Dark Christmas

I know, I know, I KNOW!  I promised when I passed 500 followers that I was not going to flake on the blog.  Frankly, though, things kind of started to go pretty okay, so the need to “get things off my chest” faded away.  Plus, with school starting, time became more of a premium, but really, that’s not an excuse.  However, life has a way of reminding us.

On the whole grief front, things had been going pretty well.  Each day, the house seems a little less haunted.  Then the calendar flipped to November and things started to slide.

I’m just going to say, the holidays, in a word, suck.

I miss so much..

I miss the best present giver in the world, who could always figure out something I’d love that I didn’t even know I wanted.

I miss having someone to come home to and complain about how crazy the kids are becoming as the holidays bear down on us.

I miss having to shop the far corners of the globe for something that she would like and didn’t have.

I miss having to stash money away for our “surprise” trip to the casino sometime over Christmas break, even though the “financial sheriff” didn’t think we had money in the budget to do so.

I miss planning a menu of beloved foods for while I’m home over break.

I miss so much.

Overall, as the Christmas blitz of family specials, sentimental music, well wishes, parties and shopping bears down on us, it seems to only remind me what I miss.

I don’t know if I’d call it loneliness, but more of just a reminder of the hole this damn year has blown in my life.  And yes, I know, I’m in full self-pity mode and hopefully, putting this down in black and white can help me get out of this.  This summer, before I started to do the blog, I went through a pretty rough time.  There was a good two week period where I basically slept for 20 hours a day, and I really feel like doing that again right now.  Luckily, real life is keeping me from being able to do that.

In the end, I knew in the back of my mind that this first holiday season was going to be difficult, but I didn’t expect it to be this difficult.  Here’s hoping that time, and the coming of a new year will change all of that.

Updates on a few other things:

I’ve decided the podcast is going to have to be a summer thing.  I had not realized how much preparation and time the podcast would take, so I’ve decided to use it to highlight my travel adventures this summer.

The photography business has really taken off.  Through the fall season, I ended up with 9 clients who had me take portraits for them, and, even more exciting, I was able to sell several of my nature and architectural photographs to people and actually had a photograph chosen for a calendar to come out in 2020.

Grief Journey

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